12:46am. It will be the 8th night in a row since I've been back in Montreal and I have yet to sleep like a human being. It's really starting to give me all the #feels. It never ceases to amaze me, but we are just truly and utterly never happy with what we have or where we are. I'm jobless, up all night worrying about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, or how I'm going to pay for my next phone bill. I'm 28 years old, not getting any younger, and here I am at a major crossroad. I'm miserable and trying my best to stay afloat & surf the wave. I have endless amounts of time to sleep when I want, catch up on all the netflix shows in my iphone notes, practice my djing skillz...... Endless brisk winter walks and yoga classes so my gym membership (that I still need to find a way to pay for) will be put to good use. As stressful as it is, this is my time to relax, slow down, put things into perspective, and finally enjoy. But WHY THE FUCK can't I? Why am I being so hard on myself. So what? I lost my job...big woop. I've already found ways to pay for the roof over my head. What's the worst that can happen? I can't go out for dinner or buy a new outfit, or go indulge in a night of binge drinking? I guess that shit will just have to wait.
In my last job there wasn't enough work to keep me stimulated and so I sat there. Day after fucking day, doing the best that I could with the tools I had. I mean maybe it was me..... but no, definitely wasn't me. I'm fucking good as gold. Who wouldn't want to buy shitty cheap clothing from me? AM I RIGHT? Can I get a hell yasssss.
I was just so miserable, buyers weren't interested, no one to talk to. I resorted to social media to help pass the time and it got really old real quick. I had a job and still, I was unhappy.
So, unhappy employed, complaining how I wished I were home cuddled up on my couch and unhappy unemployed, worried, scared, and stressed.
They say living in the moment and being grateful for what you do have is what you need to always focus on and I guess that is the point of this post. I will embrace the free time that I do have (once I take a sleeping pill and hopefully get that sorted out). I will make sure to do all those things that during my usual workday I complain I don't have time for - because I will have another job eventually and most likely sooner than later;) Now thats positivity at its finest! So all you people reading this post - wherever you are, make the best of it. Be grateful of your situation and try to make the best of it. That is all we can do. Maybe someday we will learn how to focus on the now and ultimately be OKAY with what whatever situations are thrown at us. Making the best of the challenges we are faced with is all we can really do. Smile and Happy Fucking Friday (for you not me;). Over and Out. 1:26 Am
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| finding the tiny light in the vast darkness |
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